Author's Side Note: I have never taken psychedelics before and honestly never know if I will take them again after this experience that was forced upon me.
So it's Friday night and I decided to take my girlfriend out to a nice dinner at my good friend's Pizza place. Now my long time friend who I have done many asshole things with since us knowing each other decided to play a little prank on me that turned into a catastrophe. So my lady and I arrived at my buddies joint around 7 o'clock and sat down and got cozy in the nice family style atmosphere restaurant that my friend owns.My buddy comes up to us and tells the bartender to round us up a couple of beers. He then asked us if we were thinkin' about getting pizza tonight. We both thought to ourselves ya why not it's friday, pizza and a couple of beers with some scissoring later sounds nice. He asks me, "What would you like on your pizza?" I look to my lady and ask, "What would you like babe?" She states she wants an everything pizza with giardiniera but half mushrooms because she doesn't dig em' to much. So he returns to the kitchen and gets cracking on our pizza. While her and I are sitting there enjoying each others company we notice, as we are people watching, a miserable couple and their energetic children. The husband looks like he collected stamps and quarters from every state and the wife looked like she hadn't been stuffed since that last kid come out. We also noticed there was a man up on stage singing a song about crocodiles or some weird shit for the kids in the audience. Now don't get me wrong this Entertainer wasn't bad he played a couple of really good tunes but every once and a while he caught me with a song that made me wanna punch his mouth in it's face. Among these characters I mentioned there where many more to follow.
About a half hour of my buddy being gone he returned with our amazing looking pizza. I was famished, I hadn't eaten all day and this pizza looked absolutely delectable. He smiled at us and said, "Enjoy Tom." I looked at him kind of puzzled but brushed it off and dove into my half of the pizza. The pizza was great! It was cooked to perfection. The mushrooms tasted a little funny and were a little tough but gave the pizza a nice zing to it. After about a good half hour of eating my lady and I were full. My good buddy bought us another round of beer and told us to stick around a bit and listen to the music. I remember he said, "It's about to get good!" My lady wanted a little desert so we ordered some lemon cake that my buddy at the time exclaimed that, "it was the best on the south side of chicago."
So he brought out two pieces and a big glass of orange juice for us. I'll be honest the lemon cake was damn good and I was moaning like I was getting a foot job from the lady under the table.
This is when shit got funny. After about two minutes of finishing the cake I started feeling a little different. Everything had a delayed timing to it and my girlfriend started looking like arugrats character. I looked at her and couldn't stop laughing. " Jeez Angelica where's Phil and Lil? Let's sneak out of the play ben and run around the backyard!" She looked at me as if I was crazy. I kept on laughing and laughing and laughing. She tried pretending that it was just me being silly me and said, "Man that Lemon Cake was good." I looked at her with my eyes gigantic and shouted, "Ya that Was the Best Lemon Cake I have ever had. This Lemon cake is DELLLLLLLL! Angelica where's Reptar?"By this time everyone in the restaurant is staring at me like I am high on mushrooms. Funny thing is....... It turned out my buddy put about 3 grams of mushrooms on my half of the pizza and I ate close to all of it.
The Singer was on the stage still trying to concentrate on his song about animals or whatever the fuck he was playing and I shouted, "Hey Stu? Get Didi and play us all a song!" He looked at me and tried to shrug me off, but I stared at him and said, "Stuuuuu don't make me come up there!" The man who collected stamps and quarters was just absolutely shocked by the way I was acting and his kids where giggling muttering, "Where's Chuckie? I'm Tommy! Your Lil. Where's Spike?" I look at them and start laughing even more.The father is getting really uncomfartable and his wife is getting all hot and bothered. The bartender who looked as if he was Blu from the movie "Old School" glared at me and said," Son what are you retarded or something?" I looked at him and said all wabblely, "No grandpa Lou, but why don't you fill up that martini glass with milk for Dil."
At this point my world is spinnning and I am on the nickelodeon network tripping balls like I'm Ken Kesey. My buddy finally comes out of the kitchen and my girlfriend grabs him and says, "What the fuck did you do to him, he only had 3 beers?" He noticed how concerned everyone was looking around me in the restaurant smiled and said aloud, "Everyone let's give my friend here a big round of applause. He is my good friend from Hollywood who is currently working on a movie in chicago. His role is a young child who turns into a young adult. Much like 13 going on 30 but ya know, better." Everyone eases up a bit except for Mr. Stamps up his ass. "Well kick him out of here! We are trying to eat and have a peacefully dinner and this tyrant is ruining our family time!" His kids are still muttering things about the show rugrats when I look at him bug eyed," Well Drew why don't you get those stamps and quarters out of your ass and take a loud off." He turns beat red and shouts, "Leave my STAMPS OUT OF THIS!" My lady at this time actually started laughing because I nailed it on the head earlier that it was his pathetic hobby. "Get him out of here before I call the Police!" My buddy looks at me and smiled, "Come on buddy let's get you out of here before you get me in trouble. This tabs on me." I look back at everyone and say as the old patterned carpet is starting to move, " Alright play the closing music to the show!"
Click Here to Hear the Rugrats theme Song
My buddy told me in the parking lot that I was on mushrooms and I was going to be ok. He told me to go home and relax and stare at my fish tank for the next few hours and think about how simple life is........ I did just that. My girlfriend is still a little mad at me and him and will not go back to his restaurant anymore.
Today was Friday 6th, 2012 and I am a Resident Asshole.
P.S. I have never taken psychedelics before and honestly never know if I will take them again after this experience that was forced upon me. At least next time....... I would like to know I am taking them ahead of time.
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