Well I arrive at my relatives house around 5p.m and say hello to everyone, including that one guy that you don't know why he is there but he just is. I notice everyone is sipping wine so I go for a tall pint. My girlfriend immediatly looks at me in alarm and says, "Relax Jim Morrison the party has just begun." I smile a gentle smile and sip my wine and exclaim, " don't worry babe I will only have a glass or two."So we mingle and make small talk with relatives I haven't seen in a while and eventually plant ourselves at the table.
My cousins are like my best friends, when ever we get together we just get professionally drunk and with dela black out.
Dinner rolls around and I am glass 3 or should I say pint 3. My cousins and I are getting comfy and talking about this and that. Ya know cousin stuff.
Dinner ends and I am on glass 6 or should I say pint 6. I am feeling pretty kosher. I notice the strange guy that I never understood was just walking around staring at things so I decided to see what he was all about. Turns out this man is a optometrist for politicians in the state of Indiana.
I'll be honest I didn't know how to respond to that..... So I asked him if he would like to take a shot to ease the tension I felt growing for my disintrest in his field of work and he accepted. Shortly after my oldest cousin Carl pulled me aside and asked if I would like to par-take in some shots of vodka. I was reluctant but then decided, when in Rome do as the Greeks do! We killed a bottle with my other two cousins and thats when I knew I was drunk.
Being a musician I felt it was the need to start jammin with my youngest cousin. We tend to rock and or roll when we are together. So him and I start off with a couple of Beatles tunes and everyones enjoying it, but slowely we slip away from the Beatles tunes and start making our own songs up.
First song was about how Jesus Christ was actually born on January 7th and not 25th, lets just say my relatives were a little displaced from that number.
Second song, a song about majesty of cousins and copious amounts of alcohol we consume when we are together. Our parents were starting to get uncomfortable.
Third song, ok I'll be honest at the time I thought the song was clever but when my girlfriend explained it to me the next day I was just embarrased. My cousin was on piano and I was on guitar and we were going verse after verse about farts. Chorus line read this, "Oh farts you are so stinky, when I shit it's like a slinky."........ The mic was pulled away from us.
That wasn't it, the strange man started massaging another random guy during this whole jam session that I have never met before. My cousins where kind of confused and I was curious to know what was going on. After the mic was pulled from me, they switched turns and the stranger was guy the strange guy a back massage now. I walked up to them and said, "What the fuck are you guys doing?" Every one in the party stopped and stared at me and the two strangers. I looked at everyone and exclaimed, "What I am just saying what you all are thinking."
Lets just say my girlfriend drove me home.........
Today was saturday 7th, 2012 and I am a resident asshole
No comments:
Post a Comment